Jesse James Klimt

For the short time it has been, things have been at a rare point which some like to call "an even keel".  Certainly, my life is not capable of existing without some sort of drama (missing work one day, a tiff with the boyfriend on another), but all in all, nothing earth shattering.

But that's exactly the problem; I can't stand the silence of all this "balance", or if this is a semblance of peace, its tiny ripples are far too hushed for my front row concert hall ears.  Why is this so?  After all, my gratitude and relief should be boundless!  But it's not.  It's maddening, deafening, stifling, and riddled with angst.  MY therapist likes to call this "waiting for the other shoe", but I sense there's more to it than that.

My preferred analogy for this self-perpetuating madness is the brainchild of neurosurgeons back in the 60's who were studying palpable models for epileptic seizures (please note that vivisection is a practice I utterly deplore, but lest someone remind me I admit it has yielded some achievements from which I have benefited).  These studies led to the coining of the term "kindling" by famed psychiatrist Robert Post, who noted that seizures over time required less and less stimulus (in this case, electrical currents) to induce.  The term kindling implied that the brain stores the memory of this input-output response, and with enough time, minute amounts of electricity are required to cause this memory to rapidly deliver a response. To Post, this was a breakthrough for understanding the mechanisms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as Manic-Depression. For my therapist, I surmise this is where his "other shoe" analogy ties in.

Mea culpa.

The anticipation of thunder becomes so acute in the silent moments interspersed in a rain storm, that someone like myself  is bound to create her own lightning if the thunder is too long in coming...

...and i do love the thunder.

You're the DJ: what are the next five songs coming up after the break?

1. Prometheus - 9th (The Man Who Swam Through a Speaker)
2. Mindelight - Ludicrous Speed
3. Ticon - Obi Not The One Kenobi
4. Tristan & Prometheus - Grow More Pot
5. Hallucinogen - Shamanix

What would you consider to be your 15 minutes of fame so far in life?

Well, that would have to be the time i fell down 26 steps of a local grunge bar in my 7-inch platform boots, after 5 or 9 glasses of red wine. Yes, it took about 15 seconds. Ever hear Eddy Murphy's "Gunni-googoo" skit ? No?  Well he does a better rendition than I did that night.

wonderful song that breaks even granite misanthropes:

she lives in this house over there

has her world outside it

grapples with the earth

with her fingers

and her mouth

she's five years old

thread worms on a string

keeps spiders in her pocket

collects fly wings in a jar

scrubs horse flies and pinches them on a line

she's got one friend

he lives next door

they listen to the weather

he knows how many freckles she's got

she scratches his beard

she's painting huge books

glues them together

they saw a big raven

it glided down the sky

she touched it

today is a birthday

they're sucking cigars

he got a chain of flowers

sews a little bird in her knickers

lie in the bathtub

chain of flowers

the sugarcubes (featuring bjork)